Thursday, November 5, 2015

A Little Back Story

If you've read my Welcome page, you will understand that I have been on a spiritual search for some many years. Only just over 3 months ago did I finally reach a place in my searching where I felt I finally could identify with so many things I had read about.

Some of my favorite authors are wonderful spiritual teachers like Dr. Wayne Dyer (now deceased), Deepak Chopra, and Eckhart Tolle. I read Eckhart Tolle's book, "The Power of Now", about 15 years ago and while I found it terribly interesting, it made no lasting impact. I have read at least 5 of Deepak Chopra's books, all of them fascinating. I have read some of Wayne Dyer's books, but more recently watched him on the PBS specials. My particular favorite was his talk on "The Power of Intention." I could absolutely feel how important all this information was, yet somehow I could not get it into full practice. 

Then a few years back, while traveling with my sister, she introduced me to Rhonda Byrne's "The Secret." We listened to the CDs in the car and I was stunned. After all the information amassed to date, "The Secret" felt like an easy explanation or "how-to" that explained all this information. It made such a profound impact that I immediately went and bought a copy of the CDs to take home and my husband and I listened to them. We both agreed we felt it easy to understand. 

And yet.....

Still, we were unable to put this information that we both just knew with certainty was true, to any good use. As years went by, I did my utmost to use positive thought processes. I corrected negatively phrased sentences. I tried to clean up the chatter in my head. I focused on happy outcomes.

While I know for fact that things have gone well for us in the overall scheme of things (because we all go through some unfortunate events, some of which could have been far worse), when it came down to truly ordering our lives as is told about in "The Secret" (or any of the other marvelous books out there), we still fell far short.

And in the meantime, our relationship was deteriorating. I felt I had not really changed, but felt my husband seemingly withdrawing from any contact with me. He felt the same about me. As our personal lives were heading downhill, I felt it was imperative that I do something for myself. I no longer had the luxury of trying to help him out; my own life was in too much turmoil. I decided to release him to his own devices and concentrate on helping myself. I had no intention or desire for a divorce. We just lived on two different floors of the house. I read "Eat, Pray, Love" and watched the movie. I had my refrigerator plastered with small bits of paper with inspirational quotes. All the information was there. So what was wrong with me, that I couldn't make this kind of change?

If anyone can identify with this kind of spiritual search, you may also be able to identify with what came next. I will continue this narrative in my next blog post.

I have been on a spiritual journey, questing for inner peace, acceptance and nonjudgment for many long years. This blog is the story of how I worked past some of the many issues. Outside of spiritual questing, I am an avid cook. Join me also at "A Harmony of Flavors" Blog, Website, Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. I am an artist since childhood and recently began painting in acrylics. 

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