Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Getting What One Wants - Why is it So Hard

If one is doing one's best to follow a spiritual path, or just to follow a positive path in life, yet there are no real results to show for it, then does the path really work at all? This whole concept of "IF" - "THEN", is really at the crux of the matter. This came to me recently in a sort of blinding flash of the obvious. We create our lives. We bring to ourselves every situation, person, relationship, or anything else, by our thoughts, feelings and attitude. We hear and read about thinking positively, about affirming positively, and yet, and yet.....

My son was having a difficult time a few months ago, while attempting to do this very thing. Trying to focus positively, yet all he could see was fault that lay outside of himself. In exasperation one day, he began a conversation by saying, "Now I know why 'The Secret' (Rhonda Byrne's, "The Secret") doesn't work....." I stopped him then and there. I said to him that the real reason the Secret doesn't work, is that statement itself! If the belief is that there is a flaw in the idea, the concept, then of course that is what one will manifest - the flaw, itself. 

A subject near and dear to the hearts of so many is weight. Most of us want to lose weight. We try to be positive. We do affirmations. We try and limit our food. We try to exercise. We hire someone to train us to exercise better, or go to a weight loss center or specialist. And while there may be some weight loss, the weight stubbornly persists. And if, somehow, we manage to get to the weight we want, it is by sheer willpower and determination, while still feeling vaguely deprived. Even if the diet or regimen isn't one of deprivation, trying to live outside our routine completely throws us off balance and the weight comes back rapidly. Witness what happens to most of us over a holiday!

Why is This The Case?

I realized that when we ask the Universe / God / Angels for a thing, be it weight loss, more money, more time or what have you - there is also a mindset. It is set so deeply inside that it sabotages the very thing we want, keeping it from us at the same time we are doing our best to be positive while asking. If one has a desire for a thing that seems to stubbornly stay away, then there is also a stubbornly persistent fear or belief that holds the desired thing far away.

A Case in Point

When Thanksgiving was coming up, I began dreading the amount of work that was coming. Don't misunderstand. I love making big meals. I love cooking, I love having guests to enjoy the food I make. There is nothing about this holiday that I don't love. 

Except for the fact that I am so exhausted by the time the meal is done that it is all I can do to eat. And then I am faced with the sheer volume of cleanup afterwards. It is all so difficult to face. I felt exhausted far in anticipation of the event.

I sat and talked with my husband about this. I could see absolutely no way to have things be any different (this was certainly PROBLEM NUMBER ONE). My old logic was sound. The kinds of dishes I make for Thanksgiving dinner almost all require total last-minute prep. There is very little that can be made ahead. If everything has to be done at the last minute, then I am forced into frantic activity, leaving me exhausted . . . . Right? 

My husband asked me why I do not allow my guests to help me out in the kitchen? My stand on this matter has always been that I prefer to make the food myself, thereby keeping control over the quality and how things are done. My other stand is that I prefer my guests to be guests, and not put them to work. He countered that firstly, if I thought my exhaustion was not apparent for all to see, that I was mistaken. If the guests witness this exhaustion, then they are less apt to feel good about the whole meal and experience. This flies completely in the face of my desires. So why not let people help me out? Why do I need such tight control over everything?

How Hidden Beliefs Leads Us Astray - "IF - THEN"

And here we hit the real problem. Control. Such a dirty little word. The harder we try to control a thing, the more it slips away. My need for control over the entire process, the outcome, was the true problem. My beliefs were varied:
  • There is not enough time in the day to create the dishes for that meal. 
My husband stated that if my belief is that there is not enough time, then I will manifest precisely that: not enough time. This was what hit me most profoundly. I suddenly realized this was what I was doing. I could argue that logically, when that many foods all must be attended to at the last minute, then it becomes crunch time. But - If I really believe in the ideals I expound - that everything I believe in will come to me - Then I am bringing myself "not enough time." 
  • I will be exhausted before the end of the meal. 
The next point, "I will be exhausted," is yet another belief that is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I set that statement out to the Universe / God / Angels, Then I  receive exactly what I believe: I will be exhausted.
  • I must control every aspect of the preparation, to ensure quality. 
Thirdly, "I must control every aspect," ensures that I have no other recourse. I exclude anyone from helping, on the premise that they are guests, and this backfires, reinforcing the previous two beliefs. 

Other Examples

Okay, that was all about the first time I realized what I was actually doing, or how my hidden beliefs were creating my reality. I mentioned weight control (there's that dirty word again!) earlier. In weight, our hidden beliefs are just as strong. Our minds are inextricably linked to our bodies, through our emotions. What we think - we create. When it comes to food, our entire culture has been bombarded with two absolutely opposing ideals, and we buy into both, to our detriment as a society. We are shown commercials everywhere tempting us with various foods.
"Try this food (tacos, chips, beer,  fast food - fill in the blank) and we promise you, you will love it and won't be able to stop eating it!"
And the opposing camp tells us that all these foods are unhealthy and cause every disease known to man.
"Don't eat these foods (chips, tacos, beer,  fast food, etc, etc, etc) because they will cause disease (cholesterol, cancer, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, diabetes, etc, etc, etc), threat, threat, threat."
When faced with these two opposing belief systems, how can one ever separate them? The answer is that they are inseparable and ever-present, so how can they be ignored? 

Very simply, it is imperative to make peace with food. Food is portrayed as "the enemy." 
"This food is bad for me, but I eat it because it tastes sooooo good - and then I gain weight."
How many can identify with this? I just came back from spending the Christmas / New Year Holidays with my family. We had every imaginable cookie, candy and other treat available, not to mention the amount of other foods made and eaten over that time. It is when everyone shines, with all their best creations. All of them designed to be absolutely delicious - and fattening.

Or are they?

It is ALL in the Mind

If the emotions are conflicted over food, then any ability to do anything good with it is compromised. The body receives food as the enemy and fights to counter it. Weight is gained. Mental Sabotage.

Food is not the enemy. If food is received into the body with love and acceptance, it causes little, if any, problems. I opted over these recent holidays to attempt to keep my emotions in this place of love and acceptance. I knew food would be everywhere. I knew there would be excess. I knew temptation would be there. I accepted that and each time I ate something - anything - no matter how much or little - I stated, "I receive this food into my body with love and joy."

And guess what? While I came back after 3 weeks of excesses 5 pounds over where I was when I left, it took one week to lose what was mostly water weight. I am more than content. On occasion, I slip and find myself censuring food. Then I stop and think and get back to the new, healthier belief:

"Food is Love."

I have been on a spiritual journey, questing for inner peace, acceptance and non-judgment for many long years. This blog is the story of how I worked past some of the many issues. Outside of spiritual questing, I am an avid cook. Join me also at "A Harmony of Flavors" Blog, Website, Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. I am an artist since childhood and recently began painting in acrylics.  

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